No Pain, No Gain: Pushing Boundaries

Sir John Everett Millais, The Knight Errant, 1870

HIM: Last weekend, we had our friends Kaitlyn & Colin over to our place for an overnight visit. They are a fascinating couple by any measure. For starters, they met because their spouses, Sam & Kassie, had sex with each other. Now, that’s not as shocking as it might sound, since both couples were in open relationships at the time, and that’s what people in open relationships do. What is truly surprising, however, is that both couples fell in love with each others’ partner! 

HER: Ok, this is hard to follow. 

HIM: Maybe a diagram would be helpful…

HER: When we first met them at a party a few years ago, we had no idea until the end of the evening who was married to whom. Imagine meeting two couples who seem perfect for each other, only to find out that each is married to the other’s partner. They were so different: Sam & Kassie wore their hearts on their sleeves, while Colin & Kaitlyn were quiet and reserved. This intriguing poly foursome made their complicated arrangement work for several years – introducing their children to each other and switching households on alternating weekends – but eventually, the strain took its toll. The four of them decided to end their marriages so they could be with their soulmates full-time.  

 HIM: While both couples are fabulous, we have stronger chemistry with Colin & Kaitlyn. So, when we heard about what had happened, we reached out to see if we could arrange some time together. It took a while, but we ultimately settled on a weekend get-together at our place last month.

HER: When they arrived on Saturday afternoon, we spent some time catching up around the kitchen island before deciding to head upstairs. (None of us subscribe to the outdated idea that sex should always wait until sundown). We had all been excited about the potential of this weekend, so there had been lots of texting back and forth. They mentioned they were into sensory play. We didn’t know exactly what that was. We would soon find out.

toys for sensory play
Their stuff on top, ours below

HIM: As we arranged our toy collections on the bed, it quickly became evident that Colin & Kaitlyn are freaks! And I mean that in the best way possible. Behind their gentle demeanors, there lurked a pair of serious sexual adventurers. Our floggers and paddles and restraints looked like beginner accessories next to their advanced gear: a medical-grade speculum (look it up), a sounding rod (look that up, too) and – shudder – a variety of dental instruments.

HER: These people, who we had always connected with socially but never had a chance to play with alone, were full of surprises!

HIM: Now, it’s not like you and I haven’t been pushing our own limits lately. Spanking and flogging have become an essential part of our foreplay, and you’ve been asking me to go harder and farther than we ever have before. The week before Colin & Kaitlyn came over, for example, you discovered bruises on your ass after a particularly intense spanking session. That was a first for us.

HER: I’ve always said we should stop short of leaving lasting marks, so I was a little shocked to realize we’d gone that far without my being aware. But, as in most things, excess sneaks up on you. And now our friends were asking us to consider crossing more boundaries.

HIM: I actually thought this would be right up your alley, a natural next step on your journey. You’re not into extremes, but you seem to enjoy a bit of pain with your pleasure.

HER: It’s not the pain I’m into, exactly. I think of spanking as an awakening of the senses. First, the anticipation of the impact, and, second, the tingling connection of your hand on my flesh are two distinct moments of arousal. I love them both. So, I was open to exploring other ways to stimulate my senses. 

HIM: I, on the other hand, am less curious about these things than you are, so I settled into a position that has become increasingly familiar to me: spectator to your more adventurous experiments. It’s funny, in everyday life I’m an entrepreneur with a high tolerance for financial risk, but when it comes to taking chances in the lifestyle, I tend to play it safe.

HER: Well, I like and trust them both, so it didn’t feel like a big risk to me. In fact, it all started in a comfortingly familiar way: with me blindfolded and cuffed to the spanking bench. You and Colin took turns using the flogger and slapper on me, while Kaitlyn did an exquisite job of teasing me. She crouched near my face and whispered dirty things, coming close enough that I could feel her breath and almost reach her breasts, but not letting me touch.

HIM: Can I just interrupt here to say that Kaitlyn has miracle breasts? I’ve seen her naked before, but somehow I had never really noticed. They’re kind of on the big side, yet they have a gravity-defying perkiness to them. It’s a wonder you didn’t break out of the restraints to grab them!  Anyway, when we were done flogging you, Kaitlyn asked if you wanted to sample some of their wares on the massage table.

HER: And I said yes, of course. I’m definitely that girl who wants to try all the things. It was at this point that Colin & Kaitlyn took charge. Still blindfolded, I felt all kinds of sensations, but it wasn’t always clear what was causing them. What was that thing they started with?   

HIM: First of all, Colin used the Wartenberg wheel on you. It’s like a miniature paint roller with wire spikes embedded in it, used to test the extremities of paralysis victims.  Once he had rolled it all over your back and legs, Kaitlyn broke out the dental instruments. She started with something that looked like what a hygienist would use to remove plaque from your molars, slowly poking her way from your shoulders to your ass and inner thighs. She was deliberate, but not especially gentle. She pushed that point into your flesh harder than I would have imagined you could handle. I kept waiting for a drop of blood to appear on the surface of your skin, but that never happened. Kaitlyn definitely knew what she was doing. I think the instrument might have been strategically blunted, less sharp than it appeared. It probably helped that she alternated all that poking with gentle strokes of a feather. 

sensory play
Kaitlyn using one of the dental instruments

HER: That was a little freaky. It felt like what I imagine acupuncture must feel like (though I’ve never had the courage or desire to try it). There were a couple of times I  let her know that she’d reached my upper limit, but she never crossed it. 

HIM: That’s when Colin took over.  He spread your legs and started prodding your pussy with another instrument that looked even sharper. It was like watching a highly unconventional, if not downright unethical, medical practitioner at work. I was shocked but also turned on.

HER: He was more cautious in that area, thankfully, and I could see the appeal of this play style more clearly. I was completely at his mercy. I was a little afraid to flinch or move lest he poke too hard into a sensitive spot. It was like being tied down without rope.

HIM: Interesting. But did you like it? Was this pain sexually arousing?

HER: Most of the sensations weren’t really painful. Like spanking, they served to awaken my nerves in a hot, intense, almost pleasurable way. But they weren’t exactly sexually arousing, but they were nerve-arousing. After the dental instruments were put away, Kaitlyn asked if she could pour hot oil onto my back. I’ve done the candlewax thing before, and liked it, so I said sure.

HIM: I saw her light a wick in a small canister and, when the oil was suitably heated, she drizzled it onto your shoulders and then rubbed it into your skin.

HER: Again, it was shocking at first, but that shock quickly dissolved into pleasure. The massage aspect was very relaxing. But I guess they were just priming me for the main event. In that gentle voice of hers, Kaitlyn asked me if I wanted to try their electroshock wand.

sensory play
The hot oil treatment

HIM: I know you’ve enjoyed other kinds of electro play before, where a current is run through your body, but this was different. The rod generated a spark when placed very close to the skin. Colin admitted that he didn’t really like it, while Kaitlyn had all the enthusiasm of a true believer. She loved it, and she wanted you to love it, too.

HER: Well, I agreed to try it, but after two zaps, I was done. It hurt, and I didn’t feel the thrill of not knowing where it would happen next, which was what Kaitlyn enjoyed so much. They followed that with nipple and clit pumps: little plungers that you put on each area and turn the screw to increase the pressure and engorge the area with blood. I liked it on my clit but not on my nipples. My clit can take a good spanking, but my nipples don’t like any amount of pain!

HIM: I was excited about these pumps in theory when I first heard about them. I imagined your sensitive bits looking bigger than their normal size and extra sensitive, but that didn’t really happen. Still, I admired your ”I’ll try anything” spirit.

HER: When they finally removed my blindfold, I was surprised to see it was still light outside. The sensory play was so immersive and intense that I was a little disoriented. You could have told me three hours had passed, and I would have believed you. Maybe this was my first experience of ‘sub space’: that sense of disconnection from place and time some people experience during a BDSM scene. 

HIM: Next it was my turn. I wasn’t looking forward to experiencing what you had, but you know my tastes and moved things in the direction of a sensual massage. It was great having three sets of hands working on me, not knowing where all the disparate sensations were coming from. But you had some boundary-pushing of your own in mind for me, didn’t you?

HER: I knew Colin was bisexual, so I wanted to see the two of you do something together.  After several minutes of us stroking your back and focusing a lot of attention on your ass, I noticed Colin’s cock was pointed at the ceiling. He was standing close to your head, which you couldn’t have known lying face down, so I whispered in your ear that I wanted you to suck his hard cock. 

HIM: I realized right away that this was the perfect opportunity to do something I had actually hoped would happen during our time together. I’m committed to exploring my bi-side, and I can’t imagine a better candidate in our circle than Colin. It’s not just that I like him so much as a person, because I like lots of the men we socialize with. Strangely enough, it has to do with his cock. Colin has a very nice cock. Its shape and proportions seem perfect to me. So, this was clearly a case of the right person at the right time. “Motive meeting opportunity,” as they say on the detective shows. 

HER: Neither of you needed much convincing. As soon as you lifted your head, he moved closer. Kaitlyn and I continued to rub your back and tease your ass and balls while straining to watch you two.

HIM: This was so different from the last time I had a man’s cock in my mouth. That time it had been about intellectually willing myself to do something I had little innate enthusiasm for. It was more like a ‘here goes nothing’ experience, and you noticed at the time that my performance was somewhat robotic. This time, however, I allowed myself to get lost in the moment. 

HER: Did you find yourself doing to him what you would like to have done to yourself?

HIM: Not really. I’m not a guy who gets a lot out of oral sex. Once in a while, you’ll do something that makes me realize why other men say you’re amazing at giving blow jobs, but it isn’t something I crave. I’m no connoisseur. However, I am a pleaser, so I started trying different things to gauge his preferences. 

HER: Like what?

HIM: I caressed his balls, then pulled lightly on them. I stroked him fast and slow, and all the speeds in between. I took him deep — at least as deep as I was capable of while lying on my stomach — then focus on the tip. All the time, I was paying attention to his breathing to see what was working for him. 

HER: You are such a pleaser! 

HIM: But I’m not a martyr. Everything I did, I did because I was enjoying it. The only thing that would have made it better would have been if you were right there, expressing your appreciation and generally cheering us on.

HER: In the past, you’ve been thrown off by me inserting myself in your play with someone else, so I didn’t want to do that here. I was able to see your head bobbing up and down from my side of the massage table, and I’ve sucked Colin’s cock enough myself to know what that looks like up close. I was content to let you have your moment. And Kaitlyn was definitely right in there. She wasn’t shy about cheering you both on. 

HIM: Well, I have no complaints. With two women teasing the most sensitive nerve endings at one end of my body and a very satisfying oral experiment happening at the other, I was having the ultimate bisexual experience: both gay and straight, giver and taker, all at the same time. Like you, I lost track of time.

HER: You were at it for a long time! While you two were recovering, Kaitlyn entertained me with her own exceptional oral skills. Ultimately, we moved into a more conventional lifestyle experience. We swapped partners and generally sucked and fucked our way through all the standard positions.

oral sex
Kaitlyn showing Kate her exceptional oral skills

HIM: Well, they’re standards for a reason, and that’s because they’re really good. Kaitlyn and I had a super-hot time together, as did you and Colin. Perhaps more so on this day because we had made ourselves vulnerable in ways neither of us had foreseen. And that, I think, might have led to a deeper level of connection. But the real revelations happened on the massage table. We definitely saw new sides of ourselves and our friends. ‘No pain, no gain,’ as they say.

HER: What I see so clearly now is that Colin & Kaitlyn are all about pushing boundaries. Behind their mild-mannered exteriors are two brave explorers. It was there all the time, of course, but we had never really seen it. They met in extreme circumstances and found creative ways to make it work. When they realized that they could no longer live their best lives apart from each other, they made the painful changes necessary to be together. And now they continue to seek out unconventional ways to challenge and please each other sexually.

They are fearless, and they’re inspiring us to be fearless too.




  1. Jim says:

    Opposite marriage sex partners falling in love with each other and forming two new couples might be unusual in the lifestyle world, but is old hat in polyamory communities. We’ve known several foursomes that have done just that, at least one of which was one of the pioneers in the poly movement.

    1. Him and Her says:

      Interesting! It’s the first time we’ve encountered it, but, you’re right, swingers tend to be a little nervous about polyamory for exactly this reason. It’s scary to think about opening yourself up to these possibilities. But it’s undeniable that these four have found partners who are better suited to them, so I guess it ultimately worked out!

  2. Lou says:

    The whole idea of trust and respect to permit yourself the freedom to explore those bisexual urges is an exhilarating concept. I’d begun to have those fantasies of being with a man. I imagine taking his cock and feeling it grow in my hand then putting my mouth over his head. Here is where we differ…I would do all the things I love to have done to me. I would flick his frenulum while caressing his balls and massage his ass and listen as he gasps then plunge deeply as I could and roll my tongue over his head then begin a slow rhythm until I felt him tense and fill my mouth. Sadly I’ve never had the opportunity or the nerve to fulfill this fantasy. Thanks for sharing your experience

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